THE MILLENIUM GIRL, SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL (Ladies Edition)

I was the last born in a family of three ladies(inclusive of mum) and one king. So the only boys we played with were our neighbours’ all-male triplets. Growing up, we played together. We walked together with them. Being around them was so warm and safe. We hugged like some little baboons, playing the mother-daddy games. I always wanted to be mum. No, not because of that, because HE WAS SECURE. I really liked him a lot. He would carry me when I got sick to the couch as we pretended it was the car. It was warm playing with his brothers too. Always aggressive and ready to protect. Everyone remembers that childhood soap opera.

But as we were growing up, we met a world that viewed this hero we had in them differently. We met a world that told us they were dogs. I don’t yet know what that means, but I was made to believe and just follow without ever questioning. They told me not to even ever trust my very first boyfriend (dad). They said they were all the same. They told me I didn’t need him yet when mama cried, when my big sister cried, not to mention, me too, He was always there to comfort us. If he ever went on a business trip, it felt all insecure. Even the slightest pin drop froze us.

What they taught me about these heroes messed with how I viewed them. Slowly I started disrespecting the same kids that always wiped my tears after getting hurt in the yard. Slowly I answered the same daddy that changed my diapers when momma was sick, rudely, yet I knew he took care of all the family needs. Everytime I did something to hurt his feelings and he got angry, momma always threw tantrums at him and convinced him that it was adolescence that affected me. We felt like winners because we knew he couldn’t beat us in the mouthing game. But many years later, I regret what I did to dad. I guess I was too naïve to just follow momma’s advice without questioning. I wish I knew how deep the words we threw at him sank in the sea of his thoughts.

The boys, as I was taught to call them even the oldest of them, started getting away from me. I was taught that I was a prize that they had to toil themselves off to win, and I became that. I lost a lot of them that used to be heroes simply because they asked me out. I joined the university and became the most proud woman earth has ever seen. I disqualified any undergraduate level guy from my list, because I was told, “They ain’t a challenge, u need someone that challenges you. Working class.” I went out only with those that were driving. So unfortunate most of those I schooled with were walking class. I felt guilty of what I was doing somehow but I brushed it off with the thought that I was playing three driving men. Today in a Japanese, tomorrow German, the next day to the airstrip. It was real fun that I even missed most of my classes. Did they matter anymore really. With the new career I had gotten myself, thanks to facebook and instagram, being a socialite was the thing in town. Soon I moved international and “served” even tycoons in Nigeria, Dubai and the Middle East. It was fun. Really a lot. They always said, “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL MILLENIUM GIRL”.

Many years later I sit here watching my two twin sons growing without a father and I shed tears. Will the world ever have a place for them to go out and fight? Will they ever be told that they are heroes? The questions can’t stop but all I have left yet I have to stop questioning, go out in the streets of Koinange and find my sons a meal(I graduated but with an F, you know why). I walk out at night and the men I meet are bitter because of the words this world told them. None of them even knows my name, yet I have to fend for my children this way. My only solace is when I visit dad in prison (he murdered momma after a heated argument). He forgave me and I forgave him for taking away my mum. I tell him what an hero he is. He always tells me to tell my boys what the world we live in will call them. Yet I have never told them a thing. Because I was that girl I want them to be aware of. I wish I could take back the arms of time and begin again. But it’s too late. All I take pride in is taking care of my kids. It’s all I have left.

MILLENIUM GIRL, DON’T BE THE BEAUTIFUL GIRL I WAS

Codeset: In the old days women saw their men as conquerors, providers and heroes, but somewhere along the line that changed. Women started becoming their own heroes. Maybe it is because their men forgot how to be heroes. Or because women didn’t want to be protected anymore. Or maybe women had to be their own heroes because of the pain they had to endure in life. But whatever the course, the world took away the man’s reasons for being a man. They told him he wasn’t important anymore, and when that happened, it turned the whole world upside down. Women had to teach themselves how to be their own men, which in God’s own purposing wasn’t planned. No wonder none ever succeeded. It brought misery to her and she hid in fame and success that she didn’t need a man. Yet the pillow knew her tears.